Only two more days until the start of Series 9, but really, you're all just waiting to see which episode will be number one in this definitive list aren't you? Go on, admit it! Well, you'll have to wait a bit longer ... here are numbers 73 to 50.
Again, be warned - there are spoilers afoot.
73. The Long Game
(Series 1, Episode 7)
So what if the Doctor can open the doors to the TARDIS with a click of his fingers? Adam can open a hole in his forehead when he does it. That’s my prevailing memory of this episode, that and the cube of frozen sick, so I can’t rank it much higher. It works as a nice pre-cursor to what happens at the end of the series though. More on that later. Much later.
72. The Shakespeare Code
(Series 3, Episode 2)
Another famous face from history - this time (an oddly northern) William Shakespeare. The caddish Will helped the Doctor to repel a race of Alien witches using words as weapons, a slightly underwhelming spectacle true, but a good excuse to reference the UK's greatest living writer and authority on witches, J.K. Rowling. Even better is the Doctor trying to explain time travel to Martha by using a reference from Back to the Future.
71. In the Forest of the Night
(Series 8, Episode 10)
This one could've been a lot higher but for the weird anti-ending after the proper, satisfying ending. A load of trees spring up across the globe overnight, making for a beautiful looking episode, and Clara and Danny must navigate their school trip through the overgrowth. After learning that the trees are in fact there to protect the Earth from a solar flare, The Doctor must convince mankind not to harm them. His plan works, the flare hits and the trees save Earth but then there's a load of stuff about the human race forgetting it ever happened and turning it into a fairytale. Cut that out and you've got yourself a great little episode, complete with a very impressive CGI tiger.
70. Planet of the Ood
(Series 4, Episode 3)
Although I wouldn't go as far as calling this a memorable episode, Planet of the Ood does succeed in doing what Doctor Who does best, seamlessly blending sci-fi with real world issues, in this case slavery and captivity. There's a nice chase sequence inspired by one of those unwinnable moving claw games you get in arcades and call me old fashioned but I will always love a good human-becoming-monster freak out! Halpen's transformation into an Ood is a particularly good one.
69. The Lazarus Experiment
(Series 3, Episode 6)
Ah The Lazarus Experiment, it's a classic ain't it. Mark Gatiss plays the vain old man desperate to cling on to his youth, even when his anti-ageing machine backfires and turns him into a giant scorpian. It's madcap fun up until Lazarus reminisces about the Blitz and falls to his death. But the big question is this - has Bertie Carvel ever been so criminally underused as he was here in the guise of a mysterious man who had a message to deliver to Martha's mother?
68. Aliens of London / World War III
(Series 1, Episodes 4 and 5)
A strange mix of very kid-friendly aliens (they fart a lot,
as a twelve year old, that was gold) and a very adult friendly “something like this
could really happen” vibe. To say they’re so ungainly, the Slitheen’s plan to
gather all the country’s extra-terrestrial experts in one room by staging a
spaceship crash was pleasingly elegant. They did something similar in Spooks
once – a criminal group distracted MI5 so that they could
infiltrate a COBRA meeting. It’s smart. The
Doctor charging through the corridors of 10 Downing Street with armed police
was a sight to behold and Chris-Ec excels himself in the more intimate moment
when Jackie asks him if he can keep her daughter safe. But this episode will always be the one that
introduced us to Harriet Jones, the local MP, later prime minister who, despite
her indiscretions with the Sycorax, we’d all love to see running the country.
67. The Vampires of Venice
(Series 5, Episode 6)
It seems the brilliant Helen McRory has a bit of a penchant for playing overbearing mothers, first Narcissa Malfoy, then Rosanna Calvierri, a matchmaking vampire fish set on transforming unwitting girls into brides for her thousands of fishy sons. Although her plans come undone a little too easily and involve the Doctor having to climb to the top of yet another tall building (Alexandra Palace, The Empire State Building, The Shard - who is he, Spiderman?) Rosanna committing suicide by diving into the canal to be ripped to shreds by her own piranha-sons was a deliciously messed up flourish. Plus this episode has a lot of EXCELLENT slow-mos.
66. Fear Her
(Series 2, Episode 11)
There's something very VERY unsettling about possessed children (a fact Russell T Davies exploited to great effect in Torchwood: Children of Earth *shudders*) The Doctor intends to takes Rose to the Olympics Opening Ceremony, something that seemed like a distant dream when this ep aired but adds a nice bit of nostalgia now. Sending an Alien pod back into space using the heat of the Olympic torch I can just about deal with, but all the stuff about love and the cheers from the crowd in the stadium guiding it home makes me do a mini-sick. Still, Rose taking a "caaancil axe out of caaancil van and digging up a caaancil road" never fails to make me laugh.
65. Gridlock
(Series 3, Episode 3)
I like the relative simplicity of this episode - Martha gets kidnapped, the Doctor goes to find her. Solid. Of course, this is Doctor Who, so in order to do that, he has to navigate his way through an endless traffic jam, dropping from car to car on a floating motorway while avoiding the giant crabs at the bottom. It's a premise that allowed RTD to do what he did best, mix the mundanity of everyday life with a massive dollop of sci-fi. It emerged that the motorway had been sealed off because the humans on the surface had effectively become junkies, addicted to synthetic emotion patches which had borne a virus that all but destroyed them. It's straight out of a futuristic kitchen sink drama.
64. The Fires of Pompeii
(Series 4, Episode 2)
We all love that bit in Back to the Future where Marty invents skateboards in 1955 by ripping the front off that kid's scooter. Who took a slightly less low-key approach to altering time by forcing the Doctor to cause the eruption of Mount Vesuvius and destroy Pompeii (albeit it to save the rest of mankind). We all smiled and shook our heads as Donna implored the Doctor to save the people of the city "Oh Donna, you're so naive, don't you know that's not how the laws of time work?" and yet it was us, who were left incredulous when he saved the Caicillius family from certain death. THAT'S CHEATING! You can't rewrite the rules like that, even to save Peter Capaldi!
N.B. You could argue that the eruption was the fixed point in time and the deaths of the family were in flux, see The Waters of Mars.
63. The Beast Below
(Series 5, Episode 2)
Amy's first proper adventure with The Doctor was aboard the Starship UK, a vessel carrying all the citizens of Britain away from the solar flares that were ravaging Earth and ruled over by Liz "I'm the bloody Queen mate" Ten. The state were hiding a very sinister secret from both the populous and the Sovereign - and every ten years they had to decide whether to protest (at their peril) or forget. This very Orwellian idea is a great basis for an episode but for me, Amy taking it upon herself to decide the fate of the UK was a bit too cocky.
62. The Lodger
(Series 5, Episode 11)
I'm not as in love with this episode as a lot of people seem to be, but I do think it’s sweet. And sweet’s good. Give me a chocolate brownie and I’ll never leave your side. But even a chocolate brownie isn’t enough to save a weak ending (laboured metaphor? Perhaps) Amy made a perfectly valid point when she suggested the Doctor could fly the pilot-less spaceship safetly, but the Doctor inexplicably poo pood that idea in favour of an ending where Craig and Sophie’s love saved the day instead. Sweet’s ok, but let’s steer clear of sickly.
61. The Unquiet Dead
(Series 1, Episode 3)
Resisting the temptation to turn a Dickens themed story into
a Christmas episode (for a few years) The Unquiet Dead is the first to be
penned by Mark Gatiss and it remains his creepiest to this day. Corpses wandering
around Cardiff on Christmas Eve, wailing and strangling people surely gave some
younger viewers nightmares but what’s most unsettling is that this was only the
third episode of the new series and already, two people (Gwyneth and Jabe from
New Earth) had sacrificed themselves to save the Doctor. Gwyneth's death has to go down as one of the most horrific in Doctor Who doesn't it? Unbeknownst to us, she perished the
moment she stepped into the rift to let the Gelth pass through but she remained eerily conscious long enough to blow herself up and take the Gelth with her. Does it count as
blowing yourself up if you’re already dead? Probably not, but it’s still dark
subject matter for a Saturday teatime.
60. Rise of the Cybermen/ The Age of Steel
(Series 2, Episodes 5 and 6)
This a pretty epic scale two parter and the first of the truly successful Cyberman episodes on this list. By the time the Doctor realises what's going on, the Cyber invasion, led by a wheelchair bound Trigger from Only Fools and Horses is already in full swing which meant that the second part was an action movie style factory infiltration, which worked because of the strong supporting characters. The killing of the Cybermen worked too despite it being a "feel them into oblivion" ending because it seemed viable that as humans who had been converted into machines, emotions could be their weak spot. Keeping with the emotional side of the story, Rose being reunited with her dead father and him having no idea who she was, was heartbreakingly brilliant.
59. Kill the Moon
(Series 8, Episode 7)
A solid story and a great looking episode, with echoes of The Waters of Mars and the Silurian two-parter. It loses points for the scene where the Doctor leaves Clara and Lundvik to determine whether to kill the creature living in the Moon or let it live. As a citizen of Earth, I wouldn’t have hesitated to have killed a creature the size of a planet that suddenly sprang from the sky, whether it was a new species or not, so for me, the idea the people of Earth voting to save it would’ve been completely implausible. Good then that they were as cold hearted as I am. I've never been so proud of my fellow humans.
58. Deep Breath
(Series 8, Episode 1)
In which we said hello to Doctor number twelve and Clara finally got her mojo back. Yes the pace is neither here nor there but what do you expect when the Doctor's just regenerated? You have to go through the motions, he has to collapse for a bit, the companion has to question if they really know him, then he has to lurch back in to action, even more in your face than he was before. It should've been all about the new Doctor, but Capaldi sidled in so seamlessly, Ste-Mo was able to put much more focus on Clara, who was suddenly more fiesty, more sure of herself and less in awe of her very different companion. It worked, brilliantly.
57. The Bells of Saint John
(Series 7: Part 2, Episode 1)
People being uploaded to the WiFi felt borrowed from The Idiot's Lantern where people were ingested into their TV sets, but that doesn't mean it's not a good idea, simply one worth reusing! Using a plane as a weapon was delightfully OTT and added a nice touch of scale to what is effectively a series opener. That zero gravity motorbike that the Doctor rode up the shard was a little bit too 'Harry Potter' though.
56. The Rebel Flesh / The Almost People
(Series 6, Episodes 5 and 6)
It’s quite adult this one. Revoloving around the ethical question of whether a cloned life is worth as much as a human one. The doctor pulls off the old switcheroo, tricking Amy into thinking his Ganger is him, to teach her that no life is worth more than another, while Rory falls for the charms of a bad lady. There's a strong supporting cast in this one actually, their characters have questionable morals and that dynamic makes this more than just a Doctor vs. monster episode.
55. Smith and Jones
(Series 3, Episode 1)
Series 3 episode 1 signifies the first appearance of Martha Jones. Intelligent, curious and brave, Martha was everything a good companion should be, and suddenly finding herself running out of air on the moon really brought out her resourcefulness. Thing is, up until series four and with the exception of series one, Who's opening episodes were pretty formulaic affairs - solid bases for the rest of the series to build on and nice ways to introduce us to the new companion/Doctor, but never much more than that. See also no. 54
54. Partners in Crime
(Series 4, Episode 1)
See also no. 55 - I'm ranking this ep one spot higher because it has Sarah Lancashire in it and because, no matter how disgusting, those baby Adipose were cuuute! Plus, although it lasted mere seconds, the bit where Rose comes back again still gives me chills.
53. The Impossible Planet / The Satan Pit
(Series 2, Episodes 8 and 9)
The more I think about it, the more I realise this two-parter is scarier to me now as an adult than it was when I first watched it as a twelve year old. The Doctor and Rose find themselves TARDIS-less on a base orbiting a black hole. Outnumbered by the very ominous Ood and sharing cabin space with a possessed member of the crew made these episodes feel very claustrophobic. There was even a dead body floating past the skylight at one point - that's genuinely unsettling. They could've done without the whole Satan bit at the end though. Oh, that was the whole point of the episode you say? That's unfortunate.
52. The Doctor's Daughter
(Series 4, Episode 6)
As far as pre-title sequences go, this episode's has to be among the best. A woman with a machine gun stepping out of a capsule and saying "Hello Dad" to the Doctor was a pretty memorable moment. There were a lot of people at home having geek freaks when they found out that Jenny, the Doctor's daughter was played by the daughter of an actual Doctor - Peter Davidson. .... even more now that she's married to David Tennant. Their kids have a Doctor for a Dad and a Grandad - too cool! Back to the episode, it was a nice twist that the endless war between human and hath had actually only been going on for a week and poor Jenny's demise gave Davey T a chance to whip out his teary face again. I can never get enough of that.
51. Last Christmas
(Christmas 2014)
Taking a fictional person like Father Christmas (sorry kids) and trying to convince us that they're real is always going to get a few eye rolls, but you can just about get away with it if you take a leaf out of Inception's book and leave people wondering whether it was all just a dream. And thus, what would otherwise be a pretty strong mid-series ep (albeit it, one very similar to Amy's Choice) gets a satisfying festive twist. While no one who didn't watch series 8 will have understood the significance of Clara's dream about Danny, the ending, where the Doctor, Clara and the scientists from the space base woke from their crab induced comas to their normal lives was pretty poignant. Overall, one of the more successful Christmas eps.
50. Flatline
(Series 8, Episode 9)
As Amy Farrah Fowler once remarked: "For someone who has a machine that can travel anywhere in time and space, Doctor Who sure does have a thing for modern day London". Well Amy, this one's set in the tropical climes of Bristol - so stick that in your pipe and smoke it! Why Bristol you ask? Because this episode revolved around that main-stay of science fiction, extra dimensions, and where better to showcase this than in the birthplace of 2D street artist Banksy? It's highly original, there's a tiny TARDIS and a lovely dynamic between Clara and an unusually helpless Doctor, but it's props to the design and CG departments on this one for producing one of Who's best looking eps ever.
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