A short preface -
Before we get down to it, let me kick off by saying that although ranking from best to worst means some episodes will inevitably find themselves at the bottom of the heap, I will be sticking to the ethos of this blog and won't focus too much on the negatives. I don't really think there are any "bad" episodes of Doctor Who, it delights me week in week out, but I saw a similar list to this on Buzzfeed and decided I wanted to do one of my own. These are just my opinions, yours are just as good.
This post is packed to the rafters with spoilers - you have been warned.
98. Robot of Sherwood
(Series 8, Episode 3)
And so we begin with the unlucky duck in 98th place - Robot of Sherwood (sorry Mark Gatiss!) It still has its merits - the Doctor's always had a pretty hefty ego (understandable, he has saved the Universe from certain doom on a number of occasions) so bringing in another legendary hero for him to butt heads with makes for some very funny dialogue - in that sense, a story about Robin Hood is a great idea. It's just that even in sci-fi there are moments when a plot can become just that little bit too ludicrous and firing a golden arrow into the hull of a spaceship to stop it destroying Earth, was that moment. There's also the niggling irritation that the Doctor kept telling people that Robin Hood was just a legend and never a real person. Has my primary school education failed me or is that a myth not a legend? Either way, I've resorted to sending this episode to the bottom of the pile, but it's worth noting that most of the episodes in series 8 were incredibly strong, so this one may be a victim of comparison. (PS. negativity is hard)
97. The Unicorn and the Wasp
(Series 4, Episode 7)
Again, an episode that still has plenty to love. The Doctor and Donna investigate a series of murders at a 1920s garden party with the help of Agatha Christie herself. There's some witty references to the author's crime stories and I do so love it when they base a Who plot on real events, in this case, Agatha's mysterious disappearance in 1926. Fun Fact - The Unicorn and the Wasp is the first of three episodes to feature a future Oscar nominee in its supporting cast, in this instance, it was The Theory of Everything's Felicity Jones. But again, for me, the story was just a little bit too far fetched. Am I remembering it wrong or did Felicity Kendall give birth to a giant Alien wasp?
96. Nightmare in Silver
(Series 7: Part 2, Episode 7)
See the problem with this one is that I've just had to remind myself of the plot on the Doctor Who Wiki site. Things I could remember were Warwick Davis, the Cybermen and the fact that it was set in an old amusement park (bravo Neil Gaiman) but the story obviously didn't affect me enough for me to commit it to memory. The one standout element is the Doctor Vs. Cyber controller chess game in which Matt Smith really turned it up a gear, and a sudden wave of sadness struck me as I realised his days as the Doctor were numbered.
95. The Rings of Akhaten
(Series 7: Part 2, Episode 2)
The closest Doctor Who's ever come to a musical episode (and as a big fan of musicals, this is something I actively encourage the writers to think about) The Rings of Akhaten had a lot of nice touches - the vigil, the angry God, that bit with the leaf - but it was let down by its ending. One thing about Doctor Who that has never wavered in quality is the music of composer Murray Gold, hauntingly beautiful and instantly recognisable his work has added an extra dimension (sci-fi joke) to the show since its relaunch. Having said that, there's something about using a song to defeat a monster that will always be a bit cheesy.
94. The Curse of the Black Spot
(Series 6, Episode 3)
On the one hand, this story felt a bit unoriginal, like it had been pieced together from scraps of episodes we'd already seen. On the other hand, it had Hugh Bonneville, a pirate ship and a creepy "you're next" horror vibe that worked pretty well.
93. The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe
(Christmas Special 2011)
The first of the Christmas specials to appear on this list - to say they're always written by the showrunner, the quality of these eps is wildly inconsistent, you should see how highly I've rated some of the others (that was accidentally enigmatic, not a transparent attempt to make you come back and read the next three posts ... to a degree) It's also the first on the list to use love/memories/feelings (bleurgh) as an excuse for a story resolution. Warning - very few episodes with endings like this make it past the halfway point on this list. They're cheesy and disappointing - though it must be said that reuniting the children with their 'missing in action' fighter pilot father on Christmas Day was quite sweet.
92. Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS
(Series 7: Part 2, Episode 5)
With a title as intriguing as Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS, I was expecting to be blown away by this episode. It's a solid story overall, the TARDIS gets damaged with Clara trapped inside, the Doctor enlists the help of three salvagers to find her, promising them parts from the ship if they succeed. The damaged TARDIS, trying to protect its integrity, throws up all kinds of trouble for them and a leak in time threatens to destroy them completely. The rock Zombies (worst band name ever) succeeded in being genuinely creepy, and we get a teasing glimpse into the Doctor's library but all this hard work counts for nothing if you're going to break the cardinal rule of Doctor Who ... you can't just use one of the TARDIS's buttons to fix everything! Not only does it happen, the whole premise of the episode is based around the idea. Listen up writers, an ending like that will always be a disappointment, I'll let it go this once but don't test me again.
91. Closing Time
(Series 6, Episode 12)
Closing Time saw the return of James Corden as Craig Owens and the return of the Cybermen, but there's something we need to talk about. The reason the Cybermen are such a terrifying foe is that they've had all their emotions turned off. You can't reason with them, you can't bargain - they're ruled by cold, hard mechanics. Their entire concept is a brilliant example of how to interlace emotion with sci-fi. The rest of this story is an example of how not to. Craig fighting against cyber conversion by believing he is capable of being a good dad just doesn't do it for me. But baby Stormageddon, Dark Lord of all is an absolute scene stealer.
90. Dinosaurs on a Spaceship
(Series 7: Part 1, Episode 2)
No prizes for guessing what this one was about. It looked great, it had Ron Weasley's Dad AND the legend that is Rupert Graves in it but like a lot of the episodes I've ranked already, it felt like it had been recycled from scraps of other stories. Points for the Bill and Ted vibe that comes with picking up a collection of random people from history though.
89. The Crimson Horror
(Series 7: Part 2, Episode 6)
I feel bad that this is already Mark Gatiss' second entry but he can console himself with the knowledge that he's written three and 1/3 killer episodes of Sherlock as well as An Adventure in Space and Time, the gorgeous BBC Two drama about the creation of Doctor Who. And although I have only placed it at #89, there are some pretty effective scares in The Crimson Horror, that image of the Doctor in the eye of one of Mrs Gillyflower's waxy victims is chilling. But you'd have thought that the Doctor's enemies would've learnt by now that long, drawn-out rocket launches give him far too much time to think up plans to foil them - do none of theses spaceships come with automatic start-up as standard? The ending didn't work so well, and although on paper an alien parasite living off an old woman is delightfully revolting, on film, the villainous Mr Sweet seemed laughably un-sinister. One thing I will say in The Crimson Horror's defense though, is that despite not really being a fan of the Paternoster Gang, in this episode, I think they work.
88. The Next Doctor
(Christmas Special 2008)
Call me gullible but there was a moment in which I genuinely thought that David Morrissey was going to be the next Doctor, to the point where I worried that Davey T's number 10 would expire in front of me without warning on Christmas Day. That was a nice bit of misdirection, and I must say, I'd be thrilled if David Morrissey ever does get a whack at the job but the giant cyberman/ hot air balloon thing didn't really work for me.
89. The Power of Three
(Series 7: Part 1, Episode 4)
Bit of an odd one this. It seems experimental but that's just because the pacing is so noticeably different to every other episode, but I like that. It's good to see Amy and Rory in their natural environment and the Doctor so at odds with it. Brian Pond, as ever, is a delight. So too are the cubes -with their multitude of uses and pleasingly contemporary design, they look like something out of a Barker and Stonehouse catalogue. When it stepped back into normal Who pace though, things started to get a bit flimsy. Let's call this an almost win and move on.
86. A Town Called Mercy
(Series 7: Part 1, Episode 3)
Let's just take a second to applaud Sydney Newman who, when he created Doctor Who, made it so limitless that even after 50 years, the writers are still finding new places to go with it. Only in Doctor Who will you totally accept and thoroughly enjoy a cyborg in a Western. The American frontier town setting seemed a little pegged on but a Frankenstein-esque soldier taking revenge on his creator is a strong idea, and the self - sacrificial ending works well.
85. Cold War
(Series 7: Part 2, Episode 3)
Kudos to Mark Gatiss for coming up with a story with a legitimate threat. Martian or no Martian, a submarine armed to the teeth with nuclear weapons is risky enough in itself. And kudos again for giving Clara a moment to shine in a series which otherwise did her no favours. After a strong build up, the ending slightly fizzles out but the snippets of Ultravox and the claustrophobia induced tension make this an episode that's still worth watching. James Norton's cheekbones don't hurt either.
84. Victory of the Daleks
(Series 5, Episode 3)
Although not as much of a no-no as using a big button to save the day (I'm looking at you Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS) an ending that relies on someone thinking or worse, feeling the monsters into oblivion rarely works (see Closing Time and The Doctor, The Widow and The Wardrobe). Up to the moment when Professor Bracewell diffuses a bomb by reminiscing about his childhood sweetheart Dorabella, this is not a bad episode; it's got Spitfires in space, Winston Churchill and the most sinister offer of tea you're ever likely to witness.
83. Daleks of Manhattan / Evolution of the Daleks
(Series 3, Episodes 4 and 5)
I've just noticed that the villain of this episode - the squid in a suit otherwise known as a Dalek-Human hybrid, looks distantly related to the Silence. Sadly, a sharp suit is about all they have in common as none of the Silence's creepiness made it into these episodes. The Doctor climbing to the top of the unfinished Empire State Building to remove the Dalekanium panels from the top may be the most Who-ish plot of all time but it was hovering over the wrong side of preposterous. This episode is the second on this list to feature a future Oscar nominee, in Andrew Garfield, but it also featured a plethora of faux 'nu yoik' accents which were very distracting. If you're ever trying to convince someone that Davey T is the best Doctor though (and it happens to me a lot) show them the bit from this ep where he implores a Dalek to kill him. So much rage, so much hatred ... he's awesome.
82. The Snowmen
(Christmas Special 2012)
I know it's a Christmas special. I know by this point we'd already had evil Santas and evil Christmas trees ... but evil snow? We're verging on the ridiculous there. Putting that aside, I like this episode. Clara, as a Victorian barmaid/nanny brought the emotional depth to the story, the Doctor's devastation at her death actually moved me to tears and the staircase in the sky was enchanting. I can't believe Richard E. Grant had never been a Who villain before, I've had an irrational fear of him since Spice World the Movie. As a Ste-Mo geek I got a kick out of the Sherlock Holmes references. It's just that evil snow that's holding this episode back.
81. Boomtown
(Series 1, Episode 11)
There's nothing specifically wrong with Boom Town, but I hesitate to rank it any higher because even though it's one of the oldest ones, I've only really watched it twice. It feels to me like this was a necessary episode. Necessary for the show's budget because it's very low-cost and necessary for the recurring characters and the story arc. Plenty of time is spent showing how happy Rose is with Jack and the Doctor and how much she and Mickey have grown apart. We saw the characters grow, questions were raised about the Doctor's morality. It served its purpose, but there's not much else about it that will draw you back for extra viewings.
80. The Caretaker
(Series 8, Episode 6)
Again there's nothing specifically bad about this, it's just not all that memorable. Doctor Who is not a show famed for its subtlety. Why have a robot intent on destroying a school when you could have one intent on destroying the planet? People have been willing to suspend their disbelief for more than half a century but maybe there is a saturation point because after this episode I felt like I'd just spent 45 minutes of my life watching a man chase a sentient mobility scooter around. The threat never felt real and so the story seemed redundant. Clara's bow-tie wearing colleague was good for a few laughs though and Peter Capaldi again showed off his flawless comic timing.
79. Planet of the Dead
(2009 Special 1/4)
This is an example of a pretty strong central idea framed by a heck of a lot of silliness. When a wormhole opens up in London, the bus that the Doctor is travelling on ends up in the middle of a desert on a distant planet. So far, so normal. Using a bus is a great idea because it throws together a group of characters who have never met and they have to learn how to band together. If you're a psychopath, it's also really fun to try and guess which ones will have met a grizzly end before the episode finishes. The swarm of stingrays coming up over the horizon was pretty spectacular and stayed on the right side of silly, but the leather clad cat burglar, Lee Evans as an eccentric (if adorable) scientist, and Alien's with bluebottle heads were dipping a toe into the sea of preposterousness.
78. Into the Dalek
(Series 8, Episode 2)
A damaged Dalek becoming good is SUCH a great idea! It raises all kinds of questions about morality. Surely repairing it would be bad, but then is a good Dalek really a Dalek anymore? The Doctor transferring his memories into the now fixed Dalek (christened Rusty) in an attempt to make it good again, only for it to latch on to his own hatred of IT'S species and commit genocide works so well that it completely contradicts what I said earlier about The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe - sometimes memories do work! I love it when a story makes us question the Doctor as a hero. So I'm not sure why this episode hasn't made it past the first page of my list. Maybe it's because the spectacle of it all was a little subdued. Or maybe my optimistic mind has been damaged like Rusty's and I'm just picking faults where there are none.
77. Utopia
(Series 3, Episode 11)
A lot of the episodes I've ranked so far have been let down by their endings - Utopia had the opposite problem. Not that the first half was bad you understand, it's just that you can't shake the feeling that most of the story was unnecessary (though props to Russell T. for bringing back Captain Jack). Putting that aside and focusing on the positives, the reveal at the end was - a - STUNNER!
76. Love and Monsters
(Series 2, Episode 10)
This entry's bound to be a bit controversial. There are some fans who would immediately rank this episode last, others hate it so much they like to pretend that it never existed. Those people are wrong. I'm not claiming it's perfect, in places it's very VERY silly but I will say that Marc Warren's great, the London Investigation 'n Detective Agency (or LINDA for short) is a lovely idea and Elton's realisation that the Doctor was in his house on the night his mother was killed really packs a punch. Yes some of it was misjudged but the video diary style is original and it would be nonsensical to rank any episode with an ELO soundtrack last!
75. The Wedding of River Song
(Series 6, Episode 13)
Not bad overall; another appearance from the Silence (they come pretty near the top of my 'monsters that give me the heebie-geebies list') and plenty of resolutions to the storyarc that's been building all series. Trouble is, with an opener as stunning as The Impossible Astronaut which raised the question 'how did the Doctor survive his own death?' the answer was always destined to be a bit of a disappointment.
74. The Sontaran Stratagem/ The Poison Sky
(Series 4, Episodes 4 and 5)
I like to think that in 20 years time when technology has moved on, we'll look back at this episode which revolved around the Sontarans using Sat-Navs to take over the Earth, and laugh. "Those, children, were called Satellite Navigation Systems, we used them in the olden days before Google Maps inserted chips into all of our brains". A villain that looks like a potato and can be incapacitated by a squash ball to the back of the neck is not particularly threatening so this is one of the lower ranking two-parters, though the tension that comes from us knowing that Martha is a clone, while the Doctor continues to trust her, oblivious, works well. Really though, it's all just about that first class "are you my Mummy" joke.
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